The following is a repeat of a previously published column from Kingsley Ragashanti Stewart. We regret the inconvenience caused.
Bless up all a Tambareen Fambily linky-linky an all a mi Mixup massive. Unu fi stay good, stay right, an keep unu heart clean. Awright, on to di mix-up now:
Raga, this girl from east have two man: one local an one international. She claim seh the international is the upfront man and the local is the sideman. The girl and the bunna man work at the same place, so most nights, he follow her home or part way. So one night, the bunna man follow her home and the foreign man suddenly call her seh he’s here and him coming to check her. So she quickly put the bunna man outside, and tell him to stay under her window until the upfront man gone.
It ended up that the upfront man stay the whole night. Raga, the idiot bunna man stay under the window the whole night too. Ended up that him start make it a regular habit and live under the woman window. So the persons in the yard start see this strange man coming in an out a the yard at late nights and leaving early in the mornings from under the girl window. So people start investigate who is this strange man. Nobody know him, Raga. All the same gyal a disown him.
Anyway, the men in the yard decide to set up for him one night cause dem think this man can be a pervert, a tief, or rapist. When one a the man rush him with a cutlass, him run faster than Usain Bolt. In the morning, somebody find the scandal bag with the two shirts and a hat. So dem call the police and the wicked gyal still act like she don’t know him. All she deh pon when everybody a talk is ‘Puppa Jesus!’
But then one of her cousins come and say, “Let me see the shirts dem and the hat, and she just buss out say is the girl man. Raga, I nearly dead! When we confront the man him seh is she tell him to stay under the window until the next man gone, and that is pure $20,000 him give her. Raga, there is more, but that’s all I can write for now.
Baxside ya now!! What a bunna man fu-fool!! Dis ya bwoy ya a real kunu-push-kunu. Cho!!
Even if him weak to di girl flavour, even if har juju have him unda mannas, dat nuh mean him fi regularly hitch up unda di window a night-time. Cho man! As man, we love di woman dem niceness, an we will forever love it, but some man mek da niceness deh mad dem an den dem end up a do bare foolishniss.
An tell me supm, wen him unda di window a night-time, an di farina in deh a pump up di good sawka-sawka pon di B. Dat nuh mus mean him de deh a hear everything??!! Nooooo sah!! Nuh bunna man nuh fi unda window whole night, every nite, a listen a nex man a sen on. Wen him hear dem tings deh, how it mek him feel? Mi lose offa da bunna man deh. Him shame man.
Oye deh Missa UNDA WINDOW BUNNA MAN!!!! A weh yuh wena do unda di window??!! A weh yuh wena do unda deh??!! If a laugh, a release liquids!!
Listen mi man, Missa Bunna Man, doan do dem tings deh again. Yuh a bunna man, so yuh fi know how fi stay inna yuh lane. If yuh a bunna man, yuh haffi know how fi gangsta up di ting. Saying yuh a bunna man an a live unda window is like saying yuh a goh tun soldier but yuh a coward. Dat jus nuh mek it!! Hear mi man! wen di straight-up man fahwud, nuh bada enka-enka an nuh linga-linga. Goh find a nex woman, or find supm else do. Or betta yet, yuh betta jus lowe di bunna man ting cause yuh cyan manij it. Jus goh get yuh owna whola-whola woman.
An you, Ms Lady, weh tell di man him fi stay unda di window, yuh cayliss too, an yuh a gwaan like yuh nuh have nuh sense. Yuh nuh know seh di more yuh keep di local instrument unda di window, a di more yuh a risk losing yuh farin link? Yuh a eediat? But, of course, yuh neva waan di bunna man get bex an stop gi yuh di 20 pack dem. But hear weh mi, Ragashanti, di King of Mix-up, a remind yuh seh: WANT ALL, LOSE ALL!! PENNY WISE AN POUND FOOLISH!! Soh right ya now, yuh need fi stop luu up di ting an staat govan di ting. Awoh!!
Awright, mi a cut now. An mek sure unu sen mi unu mix-up dem a mi new email: contact@ragashanti.com.
